Two Years

As the two year anniversary of my father's passing is approaching, I had a few father-related thoughts.

Family picture, 1991.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream. In this dream, my father was alive, but ill. During the course of the dream, he was healed and I remember how I felt so happy. In the back of my mind, I knew something was not right with the dream and I woke up. After shaking the cobwebs from my head, I realized it was just a dream and I was, as you can probably guess, disappointed. In 2013, my father had been ill, but was obviously not healed. 

I remember having the usual range of emotion after I woke up: sadness, despair, longing, disappointment and even a little bargaining (I tend to go through the five stages of grief occasionally).  I then started pondering about that dream. My father has been healed. Perhaps the dream was a reminder that he left his sick and fragile body behind and is out of pain. This thought made me happy. Although I miss his as much as ever, how I am glad he is no longer suffering!

There is a classic Christmas song I have already heard a hundred times so far this December: "I'll Be Home For Christmas". Here is the first verse and chorus:

I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree 

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

While listening to the chorus shortly after that dream, the words had new meaning. Instead of "I'll be home for Christmas", I thought "You'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams." 

I would love to have him here with the family during Christmas. I would love to talk about his Christmas memories. I would love for him to hold Evelyn, a girl who came over a year after he passed. I would love to go caroling with him in a quartet and make more memories.  Reality is a sad place to be sometimes. But occasionally, I find little things that help cope with my longing to see my dad. This song was one beautiful moment I hope to remember. 

As a final note, I was touched by what the actor J.K. Simmons said after winning the best supporting actor at the 2015 Oscars. I normally don't take much advice from the entertainment world, but his was spot on. Here is a transcript of his words:

"And if I may, call your mom, everybody. I’ve told this [to], like, a billion people, or so. Call your mom, call your dad. If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call ‘em. Don’t text. Don’t email. Call them on the phone. Tell ‘em you love ‘em, and thank them, and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you."

You can watch his speech here. 

If you still have a mom and/or a dad, I would recommend doing what Mr. Simmons said. Because you never know when it is the end. You never want to leave some things unsaid.  

I hope anyone who reads this has a great Christmas. Be sure to spend it with those you love. 

Summer Hiking Adventures

The summer has been over for a while, but I wanted to look back at the fun summer we had. 

We were not able to go on any vacations with both Airin and myself working plus taking care of a very needy baby, but we did have the chance to do many fun things as a family near our house. Utah is an outdoor mecca.

Having lived in Utah all but two years of my life, I sadly did not know the difference between Big and Little Cottonwood Canyons. At the beginning of the year, I could not have told you which one was more southern or northern and what resorts were in each canyon. We got to know them quite well by the end of the year. 

At the beginning of the summer, I wanted to go on a hike once a week. That ended up being more like twice a month. Here are some of the hikes we went on:

Silver Lake Recreation Area

This was probably my favorite hike of them all. It really isn't much of a "hike", but more of a nature walk. Most of the trail is a boardwalk around/over a lake. It has beautiful views of the surrounding mountains, wildlife and vegetation. We saw many fish, a few moose and lots of squirrels and chipmunks. This was super easy for Lily to walk around the lake. I had to carry her on most of the trails but this was the one where I did not.

The snow had not melted all the way the first time we went up.

This was the last time we went, in early October.

Rocky Mouth Falls

Lily loved this hike because of the waterfall. This hike was pretty short and begins in the middle of a neighborhood in Sandy. The first part of the actual trail is a little steep/rocky, but eventually evened out. We went here twice during the summer. If you plan on going, make sure to go earlier in the season rather than later because the waterfall stream will diminish over the course of the summer. 

Cecret Lake

This hike is a really popular one up Little Cottonwood Canyon. We went in the morning up to Alta ski resort where they had a shuttle that would drive you to the trailhead. The trail was very busy with lots of families going up and coming down. This one was my least favorite adventure. I had to carry Lily up the switchbacks near the end and it was exhausting. The lake wasn't that great, either. I really enjoy hiking to get away but there were just too many people on the trail.

Twin Lakes

Above the Silver Lake Recreation Area, there are a couple of trails. One leads to Twin Lakes. We only did this one once, but it was a good one. I had to carry Lily for most of the way because it was pretty steep for a good portion of the narrow and rocky trail. The views were amazing, the lake was beautiful, and we rested on some nice sand at the top. We will definitely go on this one again next year!

This was about halfway up the trail, overlooking Silver Lake.

Barrier Free Trail
This trail is just south of Snowbird Resort, up Little Cottonwood Canyon. The trail is paved for most of the way. It leads to an overlook deck and is easy for all ages. The first time we did it we saw a moose about 20 yards away. 

For anyone reading this, are there any hikes we should put on our list for the future? We hope to go on many more adventures next year!

Father's Day 2015

Happy Father's Day! It is fun seeing all my Facebook friends post about their Fathers. 

This is a bitter-sweet day. On one hand I love my daughters and being a Dad has been the most stressful, challenging, exhausting exercise I've ever done. But there are many transcendent moments that have come because of it and make it all worth it. Nothing gives me the satisfaction in life like being a dad. 

On the other hand, I miss my dad with each passing day. I've posted about him before, lamenting how much I miss him and would like him back. His life has touched mine immeasurably. Although he isn't here, I think parts of him still are. He left a legacy that I feel in my heart every passing day. 

If you still have a father on this earth, reach out. You never know when they will leave this mortal existence. 

Billy Joel's song 'Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel)' has been playing in my head today. I'm at that time when I get to sing to Lily before she goes to bed, much like my Father did with me when I was a child. It is as if Dad penned these words for me in this moment:

"Goodnight, my angel

Now it's time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry

And if you sing this lullabye

Then in your heart

There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone

But lullabyes go on and on...

They never die

That's how you

And I

Will be"

I am grateful for forever families. I look forward to meeting him again with a tender embrace. I love you Dad. 

http://youtu.be/55iHz-n5SDs