I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go

I was recently asked to sing in my ward. "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" was the one I decided on. The message of the song hit me, as it reminds me of my Dad. I know, the last number of posts I've written have centered around my Father. I think about him every day. He taught me some great lessons; some that I have learned and understood more fully since his passing.

My Father was a very faithful man. I always knew he loved God and would do whatever was asked of him.

While practicing the song, I found myself getting emotional at the words from the 3rd verse:

"There’s surely somewhere a lowly place
In earth’s harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life’s short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.

So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be."

I have struggled with this idea of serving The Lord on his terms. It is much easier to pick and choose when and where we serve and if it fits into our schedule and is convenient.

It is, however, more difficult to serve when he calls. This was never more true when I received my mission call. I really wanted to go outside the United States. I wanted to speak Spanish. I didn't want to go stateside at all. The Lord heard my cry and sent me to Michigan. I was disappointed. I wondered why I wasn't "worthy" to go out of the country. Obviously, my immature teenage thinking was foolish and incorrect. I am so grateful I served in Michigan. What an experience.

My Dad tried teaching me this principle to go when and where The Lord calls, and do it with a sincere heart, as the hymn suggests. I was drug to service projects and other things, but my mind was not on the service. I was constantly counting down to the time I could leave and do what I wanted to do. I would complain and whine. But after every opportunity to serve, I knew I was blessed. And probably would have been blessed more had I quit my negative comments and focused on the most important things: blessing the lives of others by acting as the Savior would if he were there.

I am grateful my father taught me this principle. He labored through his "short day". He lived the life of a disciple of Christ. He was not a perfect man, but tried.

This is a simple lesson to serve where The Lord calls and do it with a positive willing attitude. I hope I will be able to live that kind of a life in emulation of the Saviors.

Thank you, Dad for teaching me this priceless lesson.

Here is a recording of me singing the song. It is a Rob Gardner arrangement. Bonnie Felger is my accompanist.

Dad's Favorite Phrases

It's hard to believe my father passed away more than a month ago. It's been an interesting experience going through the grieving process. I miss my dad quite a bit. 

I have been thinking about different phrases and words he used to say and I just have to share a few. I asked my family what they remember him saying. Here are some of his favorite things we remembered him saying:

"Asinine"

If anything was ever really dumb, he'd use this word. Example: "The way oil prices keep going up and down is asinine!" I use it too, and Airin tells me every time I use that word that it is my favorite word. (Not really. I just use it when I am passionately frustrated about something.)

"Half-donkey job"

I had chores to do growing up, and sometimes I wasn't the most diligent at finishing the job or putting enough work in. My dad would always tell me, "...don't do a half-a** job!" It was funny hearing my dad swear sometimes. I would correct it and say, "Dad, it's half-donkey job!" That would sometimes diffuse the situation and was kind of a running joke between the two of us. 

"It will feel better when it stops hurting"

This one was kind of irritating. If we were ever sick or injured, my dad would tell us this. He was always concerned about how we were feeling. But sometimes he was captain obvious- of course we would feel better when it stops hurting! At least he helped us remember that the sickness or injury would go away eventually and we shouldn't be super dramatic about having a head cold. Complaining about it won't make it better. 

"You don't need to spend the money"

This was a hallmark of my Dad's life. He was extremely frugal and hated spending money. I appreciated what he taught me about saving money and spending it wisely. This rang in my head while shopping for Christmas presents right after he passed. I can still hear his voice. 

"Go to bed"

My Dad was a morning person. He loved waking up early and never slept in. He also liked going to bed early. He never ceased to tell us this anytime it was after like 11 pm. We would have friends over and he would tell us, "you need to get to bed. You don't need to stay up." That is some good advice, as few things are worth staying up late for. 

"A $1.248"

He would say this to us when we asked how much something was purchased for. "How much was your truck?" Or "How much did you pay for those shoes?" Was almost always answered with "a dollar-two-forty-eight." This was just one example of how he was private in many matters. 

"Sure Love Ya" 

Getting a letter from my Dad on my mission was always great. He would sign it "S.L.Y., Dad". I didn't fully know what it meant until recently. But I always knew my Dad loved me. He was sincere when he said it and I cherish the letters I still have from him. 

It is funny to think about the phrases and words he used all the time. Just another way to remember him by. I still use some of them and will probably pass some along to my own kids. 

Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to work I go.

I'm sure that most of you who read this blog (if anyone does because I'm such a slacker about posting) know that I have gone back to work. Boo. It has become financially necessary for me to do so. Seems so silly after Mark posted at about me being a stay-at-home wife and mother not too long ago. But all of those things he said are true. And hopefully this will be short term comparatively.

However, things can change in a matter of weeks or months. And here we are. Truth is, I was so so so sad to return to work. I truly enjoyed the eight months that I had at home to spend with Mark and my sweet baby girl. I will cherish those moments forever. 

I am one of those people who does not really enjoy going out into the work place. I am a genuine home-body. I'd rather be home than most anywhere else. Housework and mommy-work may not be the most glamorous, and it is certainly difficult. But I so much more enjoy the work of a homemaker to that of anything else I could be doing in the work place. That being said, I think those women who love being mothers and wives and love to work are amazing. They have strength I wish I had at times like these. 

In all reality, I am grateful for the training I received to be a registered nurse. I have learned valuable skills that I will use for the rest of my life, whether at home or at work. I am grateful that nursing is a flexible career. That I can work as much or as little as I want. That I can choose the days/nights I am available. That I can still be a wife and mother primarily. And this job that I was blessed to find so quickly after beginning my search, is a good fit for me. Working at Primary Children's Hospital was a wonderful learning experience. There are truly angels that walk those halls and care for those children; miracles happen there all the time. However, it was very high stress and I didn't handle that as well as I had hoped I could. This new job is home health. I'm a private duty nurse which means I go to the patient's home and watch over the patient there for x number of hours. I like that I am only responsible for one patient at a time and that I can really get to know the patient. It is a much better fit for my personality. 

But it's nights. I didn't think it would be a big deal to go back to nights because I had done that at the hospital. Turns out it is hard. Working nights with a baby at home makes me plain old tired. It takes me longer to recover than before. I haven't been sleeping well before or after my shifts to help me recover. I miss my husband and my baby when I'm at work. My biggest worry is that I will miss one of Lily's milestones. (Which I know is ridiculous. I only miss maybe 12 hours of being with her when she's awake while I try to sleep.) 

That being said there are some good things coming from this situation (besides the boost in finances). Mark gets to spend more time with Lily. It is good for both of them. She needs her Daddy and he needs her. It is cute to see the relationship they are developing. She is turning into a Daddy's girl and it melts my heart. Lily also gets to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa on Fridays while Mark is at work and I take a nap after a shift (I work 11pm to 8am Thurs and Sat nights). The grandparents love it, and Lily loves it. I am so grateful my Mom is able to watch Lily on Fridays. It is a wonderful blessing. And this situation forces me to be stronger. 

A couple of my friends made not a list of New Years resolutions, but just picked a word to be their theme for 2014. I loved the idea and I wanted to do the same. Goals are great, but I wanted an extra emphasis behind all my goals, hopes, and dreams for 2014. The word I chose for this year is: STRONG. I hope to be strong in all aspects of my life this year. Especially in the situations that are hard. 

Visiting Michigan in 2009

I have been missing my Dad the past few days; just a simple sadness that cannot be taken away. I have decided to blog a few more memories of him. 

In May of 2009, I took my parents back to Michigan to visit the members, areas and places of my mission. I returned from serving a full-time mission in November 2008, so I had been home about six months. 

My Dad served some of his mission in Michigan. He served on the west side of the state and I served on the east side. I enjoyed having that similarity between the two of us. 

It turned out to be quite a visit. Some wonderful members let us stay at their homes and we had great visits with them. 

I enjoyed returning to the state I called home for two years. It was nice not being a missionary and having the flexibility to go where I wanted. 

We visited many people, but also many great places. We went to the Henry Ford, a museum that had some really cool artifacts and old cars. The chair President Lincoln was in when we was assassinated was there. 

My Dad loved classic cars and being in the state where the big 3 auto companies are was really special to see. His appreciation for the cars in that museum was fun to experience. 

We visited the Jiffy mixes plant as well. I remember getting a box or two muffins in my stocking at Christmas time when I was younger, so that was enjoyable to see how they are made. We even got one free box of muffin mix as a gift. 

Next, we visited Hell, Michigan. I wanted to to there on my mission, but never made it over in that area. I enjoyed the novelty of visiting "Hell" and buying some fun souvenirs. We can all say that "we've been to Hell and back". Ha.

My parents always seem to hit it off with people, and this trip was no different. They became great friends with one of my favorite people in Grand Blanc, one of my top areas. They loved meeting other people I would write home about and see the places I lived and worked. 

Frankenmuth was another great place we visited. It was outside my mission boundaries, but a great place to visit.  It is a quaint Bavarian-style town that had some fun treasures. I wish I would have bought an apron that was pretty epic. They have a Christmas-themed store that has everything you can imagine. 

The tail end of the trip we went into Detroit. I'm sure my parents were nervous going into the most dangerous city in America. I was able to visit "the Sistas" and show my parents where I lived. It brought back so many great memories of sweating, riding my bike and talking to so many people in that area. We made it out safely. 

I enjoyed going to the Detroit temple and church out there. Showing my parents off was a very rewarding experience for me. 

It brought back the love I have for the state of Michigan and the people who live there. I can't wait to visit there again soon.

I never really had the chance to spend a lot of one-on-one time with my parents. I am the fourth of my parent's six children, so my time with them was limited growing up. This trip allowed me to grow closer to them and experience something new. I am very grateful I had that opportunity. My parents are wonderful.

More pictures of our trip can be seen here and here. 

"A Picture A Day in 2013" In Review

Wow. Where did the time go? Just seems like yesterday that we said goodbye to 2012 and welcomed 2013. Time is flying by!

For those who follow me on Facebook, you've probably seen that I attempted to "capture a moment every day in 2013". I tried. I really did. I ended up taking 210 photos last year. That was much less than I thought I would be able to. There were a couple of reasons why I didn't take a photo every single day in 2013.

• I just simply forgot. It was hard to remember to take a photo of something different every day.
• In the second half of 2013, there wasn't enough variety going on to take a photo of something new. I got my first out-of-college job and life was much more simple.
• I had social media burn-out. Some days I wanted to keep what I had done private. I really felt that I was putting my entire life on Facebook, which scares me. I wanted to protect my family, especially my little daughter. 
• I was too lazy to upload pictures. 

I did have an enjoyable time thinking about pictures to capture. I rather enjoyed cycling through the photos I had taken. It was a nice trip down memory lane and I was reminded of the fun adventures I had been on.

In 2014 I am not sure what I will do. Probably take a few pictures, but won't pressure myself into taking one every single day. 

Here is to a great 2014, pictures or not. 

Family Band Tour 2005

I've been thinking about memories of my father, and many of them revolve around trips we went on. They stick out to me because it was out of the ordinary, and really built family appreciation for me.

Me, senior year of high school -2005

"Family Band Tour 2005"

My senior year in high school was far-and-away the best year in school up to that point. I found my niche with music and really enjoyed the many experiences that created. I was in jazz band, did a few pit orchestras for the drama department and started a quartet with three other guys. I loved it.

Like every other year preceding it, we were going on a band trip in the springtime. We were going to be heading to southern Utah, visiting a handful of colleges and universities as well as other places down there. The school needed chaperones to accompany us, as there we plenty of hyper, energetic and somewhat annoying high school band students. My sister, Heidi, who had come on other band trips before, signed up to come. My sister-in-law was in the orchestra and I believe talked her sister and her husband (my brother) into coming. I thought that would be fun to have three members of my family come.

When the band director needed a few more chaperones and someone to drive a trailer, he approached my mom when she came to pick me up for school. After talking it over with my dad, they decided to come.

So let's recap. Michael was on his mission, so he wasn't coming. Lane and I would be going as students. My mom and dad would be driving the trailer. Heidi, Robert and Natalie were all coming as chaperones. To top it off, no one would be able to watch my little brother, Sterling, who was in elementary school. So he came too.

It was kind of funny when all the other band and orchestra students learned that basically my entire family had come on this band trip. It was fun having all of them there. It was like a family trip.... with 70 other students.

Sometimes I was able to ride with my parents. Sometimes I was able to be with my band friends. But overall, it was one heck of a memorable experience. Another great example of my parents supporting me in everything that had to do with music. I am very grateful we had that opportunity. I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life.

My Dear Father

I will dearly miss my father. He was always there for me. Although he had his faults, I am eternally grateful he was my father on this earth. My dad was a kind man. A shy man. A man with a big heart. 

He was not a particularly eloquent man. But showed me how to treat people. 

My father was self employed, doing things in the construction trade. I would work for him many times growing up. I did not enjoy it. That taught me to work hard in school. But I do wish I could remember more of the lessons he tried to teach me. Now that I have a home, I have been borrowing his expertise. Now that expertise dies with him. 

My father always supported me in music. I could always count on him being at every concert I had. Whether it was a small recital or big program. He pushed me and enjoyed my musical talents. 

He had musical talent as well. I will be forever grateful that I invited him to sing with me in a group of friends. We sang barbershop music, in church, in talent shows, and even at 2 Real Salt Lake soccer games and one Utah Jazz game. I know he thoroughly enjoyed singing with us. I'll miss his bass. 

The last year has been hard for him. He's had many health challenges and has been in and out of hospitals. As such, I've been preparing myself for this moment. Knowing that he could pass away at any moment. I was "one call away" from hearing the news. Although I've had more than a year, I still don't feel prepared to say goodbye. But that's how it goes. 

I am thankful he doesn't have to suffer anymore. He was in a great deal of pain. I'm thankful he can now "rest from his labors".

My father taught me to love sunflower seeds, hash browns and root beer. He taught me to be there for your kids and support them. He taught me to serve other people, especially when there's a need. I hope I can be that kind of father. He wasn't perfect. But he was the kind of father I am proud to have. Who fought through cancer, asthma and many other health problems in his life. I am proud to have him as my dad and can't wait to meet him after this life is over.